Lucy and Philipe

Newly Engaged And Learning The Tools

Lucy & Phillipe

Today’s episode focuses on the early phases of a relationship. I’ve always thought that a willingness to work on the inevitable challenges is the greatest possible expression of romance.  Our guests today, Lucy and Philipe, are recently engaged, and it’s their joyful newness coupled with that willingness to do the work that made this episode seem like a good fit for Valentine’s week.

Lucy also happens to be a close friend of our podcast. She has written a couple of articles for Together magazine:

I’m the Unicorn Couples Search For

Doctor’s Orders: No Sex. Now What?

And I am very excited to announce that she is also releasing Unicornland on Vimeo tomorrow. Unicornland is an eight-episode web series about a woman exploring her sexuality post-divorce by dating couples. You can find that at unicornlandseries.com.

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Also, please consider supporting our crowdfunding campaign at Patreon.com/together. We’re on a mission to crush shame, and every penny helps. Thank you!

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4 Comments
  • Diane Taylor
    Posted at 11:11h, 13 February Reply

    Not sure if this is to comment on the episode or overall. Regarding the Unicorn and the Engineer, great episode…fascinating. I don’t understand the title “unicorn” as nothing was addressed during the conversation (except only alluded to) about the unicorn. Perhaps it’s a tease for her show…. I experienced subtle digs by Lucy towards Phillipe throughout despite her air of being the more enlightened one of the couple. When she used the example of him wanting to purchase the lab-created diamond to make him wrong about his statement about putting love ahead of money yet still acknowledging it was the preferred mineral and still THINKING a diamond would prove his love for her. So she was able to explain what she wanted and needed but STILL used it as a weapon against him. So interesting that he seemed way more in touch with his wounding and relationship issues despite her assumption of the opposite.

    • Erik Newton
      Posted at 05:53h, 14 February Reply

      Great comments, Diane! I had planned to follow up on that exact issue in the interview, but got sidetracked. I’ll ask the couple if they have anything to say on that.

    • Philippe
      Posted at 14:13h, 16 February Reply

      Hi Diane, the Engineer here. Re the word “unicorn”: in certain communities, it denotes a person who engages in a sexual relationship with a couple — its meaning was as much a mystery to me before I met my fiancee! Also, thank you for your insightful comment. As in most relationships, the ring surfaced a host of issues for us: commitment, trust, and what it means to give yourself over to being someone’s partner. Early on in our relationship we realized we share a tendency to criticize those closest to us, and I think it’s what you’re hearing here. It’s a pattern we fall into when frustrated — and what could be more frustrating than dragging out the process of buying a ring for eight months! I’m happy to say that One way I’ve found to identify when I veer into negative territory when the word “but” pops up in our responses and we’ve made it a project to take a cue from improv and turn those “but”s into “yes, and”s. Ultimately, the reason I felt confident enough to propose to Lucy – and finally deliver the ring this Valentine’s day – is that time and time again she has proven herself trustworthy and invested in our relationship even at times when my actions haven’t shown the same dedication. And if I have to put up with a little dig now and then for that kind of love, I’m happy to overlook it.

  • zivar amrami
    Posted at 09:43h, 16 February Reply

    I listened to this podcast, after listening to one or two of your other episodes.. such interesting nuances in all relationship and especially in this one. it personally returned me to life with my ex-fiance. i kept trying to get him to see his best self, away from depression or this or that, and it was painful to me at the time that he just couldn’t stand in this place.. i so wanted him to be the person i imagined him, or the light he shown on our first magical weekend together (much like theirs).. but this was not real life and i look back now, married to my best friend and with daughter, that i was just trying to control something that totally terrified me.. being with someone who, like my mom, had tendency toward depression. i thought if i could get him to see how beautiful he was, beyond the sadness, that i could somehow heal my relationship with my mom. yeah, we broke up. it was a little messy but also liberated both of us for needing to be something for the other person. i hope this couple can see how they are responding to each other, the gift of playing back this episode, and surrender to the truth of who the other person is.. and respect them there. respecting your partner, this is the cornerstone of a healthy marriage, for sure.

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